12 Jul 2017


What's that song? That saying?  Nobody said life would be easy, but nobody said it'd be this fricking hard either...  have I got that right?  I can't remember.  My brain is addled from lack of sleep, which is not children related for once, but stress induced insomnia.  

I love insomnia. 

Especially stress induced insomnia.  It's awesome.  I feel so well rested and able to face any challenges that life throws at me.... 

Due to circumstances beyond our control, we are now a one income family. 

My income. 

I only work 24 hours a week so there is not much income INCOMING... see what I did there?  

In fact our bills exceed my income so we are officially up shits creek. 

I have cried so many tears in the last three weeks that I've had to increase my water consumption so I don't get dehydrated. 

I fake smile so much that I can't remember how to smile properly and my face hurts.  

When people ask me how I am, I brightly say 'great' through gritted teeth and move on, because they don't really care anyway. 

It's getting really hard to 'be positive' and 'look on the brightside' when bananas are almost $4 a kg and my kids eat 4 kg a week and people complain to me about how expensive the cost of living is these days as they're sipping their $5.50 takeaway latte and I'm nodding along thinking how the fuck am I going to afford to buy food next week? That latte they're drinking is 1.25kg of bananas!  

To make matters worse, or better, I finally have a date for my surgery.  It's the week after next.  Hooray you say, and hooray I say but fuck!  Could the timing be any bloody worse?!    

On one hand, I really need Juffin to be home to look after me so him not working at the moment is a bit great, but on the other, I really need him to find work so we're not destitute and starving! Can you say catch 22?  Truth be told, in my current state, I could serve to starve for a few days, but my kids, my kids don't need to starve at all.  They need their bananas.  For the love of bananas! 

Surgery also requires recovery time. I really need to take the time and heal properly after this surgery. Which means no kid wrangling, washing, driving etc... I literally just have to lay around which is fine for a day or two but when you have small children, supremely difficult but I have never had proper recovery time after any of my multiple operations and I don't want to have a repeat of this shithouse experience.  

On top of all this drama we've been battling snot monster Molly who has started throwing tantrums already and koalas Juffin 24/7 and a defiant, ignorant Mushroom who won't do as he's told or listen to a damn word either of us say.  To counteract said ignorance, I yell, A lot and it seems to fall on even deafer ears and then I get super mad and my head almost explodes.  I must sound like a total psychopath to my neighbours.  Especially when I'm shouting, "get your fingers out of your bum it's not for playing!" at the top of my lungs. Really feeling like a stellar parent when that needs to be said more than one f-ing time.     

This week I've been plagued with the beginnings of a bad cold and I'm thoroughly sick to death of the shitshow that is my life.  My patience has worn so thin that you can actually see through it.  It's almost non-existent.  I will snap at the tiniest thing.  

So please universe. I would actually just really appreciate it if we could just get a break from the bad juju for a little while... say 45 years? That would be fantastic.  

We still have coffee, and that mountain of washing has been folded and put away.  So there.