22 May 2016


This week I heard a few stories that made me a sad.

No, I'm not talking about HONY but dear God, the tears.

This was about other Mum's being total C's to each other.  Like really, really awful and mean.

Heads up ladies, you're not fucking better than anyone else, so pull your head in.

One of these stories involved a Mum going along with her daughter to a birthday party and having NOT ONE OTHER MOTHER TALK TO HER.


Are you fucking serious?  Who are you people?

This poor Mum tried to initiate conversation a few times, a very difficult thing to do if you know no-one, only to be rebuffed time and time again.  At one point one of the Mum's even uttered something about the birthday girl inviting the whole class, like it was a bad thing.


Then my Mum told me about going to a primary school activity when we were still at school and had just moved towns and not one fucking person spoke to her there either!!  She said she went home and cried.

Let's be honest, we women can be total arseholes.  We're nasty to other women.  We bitch, snigger, make snide remarks about clothes, hair, weight etc.  I know, I've done it, I'm not going to lie.  I'm not at all perfect, but as I get older, I have less patience for that bullshit.  And we really should fucking stop it.  My Mum didn't even have a perm then.

Ok that last line was a joke, she may have had a perm.

Just kidding.

Love you Mum.

You get the point though right?!

When I first had Mushroom I would talk to anyone who would listen.  I'd yak it up in the parents room, at the park, waiting in line for coffee.  I joined online forums, started this blog, badgered people on social media, I even dropped into work way too much.  Of course I had friends who already had kids but nothing compares to having those friends who's kids are the same age as yours, going through the same ups and downs.  Especially since you forget so quickly.  And this is true for any age!

Obviously I'm outgoing, and it's not hard for me to talk to strangers. I don't mind looking like a tool if I say hello to someone.  Let's be honest, I look like a tool most of the time, but some people don't feel confident saying hi.  It might have been a major effort for them to even leave the house that day!

I see a million of those inspirational pics on facebook spruiking the joys of lifting each other up, being there and rooting for our fellow ladies and Mum's, but girls, we gotta start doing it.  Clearly it's not happening if Mama's can't even go to a birthday party and be nice to a stranger.

So tomorrow, wherever you are, say hello to the Mum who's by herself at the park, getting coffee, fighting with her toddler at the supermarket.  She might need a friend.  Let's actually, really start being nice to one another. Because no-one needs to be crying at home after some molls were nasty to her at a fucking kids birthday party.

I wear cool shoes, say Hi!

12 May 2016


Let's talk about post baby bodies.

For some reason the media thinks that we care about celebrities who got back to PRE-BABY FABULOUSNESS in less than 2 HOURS post partum.  Clearly a minor exaggeration, but you feel me right?

The thing is that, we really fucking don't.


It's shit.

So stop doing that please media juggernauts, it's making mother's everywhere feel shithouse, cheers.

I have never had, what anyone would call, a fabulous body.  But I will go with the standard, it's pretty fabulous because at some point or another it carried three babies and it's currently keeping one of those baby's alive.  On it's own.  With the milk that my body produces.  In my boobs.

See, that's awesome.

But that still doesn't help me feel better when I go to try on breastfeeding shirts (see previous post) and it's not my boobs that are the problem for once, but my protruding, swollen, hideous, guts.  It's like I'm still pregnant.  I'm only 4kg away from pre-pregnancy weight but I feel like I'm so much wider around the middle.  I don't remember being this swollen after having the Mushroom.

I've only had the courage to look at my scar once and it made me feel sick so I haven't since then.  We don't have full length mirrors, praise Jesus, so it's easy to avoid looking at it.  But there's like a shelf there now.  It's bloody horrendous.

My boobs are saggier than ever and hang down by my waist, despite wearing a bra 24/7.  My feet are all dry and crusty because I'm barefoot at home all the time.  I have permanent black shadows, hairy armpits and my brows look like Ernie's.

Let's be honest, I probably feel bad about this because I see pictures, in the media, of women who weigh 47kg, looking amazeballs mere moments after having children and I just wanted to remind myself that it's total bullshit.

We raise our hairy brows to your post-baby body bullshit!
I have a daughter now. I want to instil some good feelings about her body.  I want her to focus on being strong, and smart and funny and kind.  Because these things matter, not how fast you can get back to your pre-baby body.  Who gives a flying fuck about that!

6 May 2016


Breastfeeding ya'll.  Can I get a hell yeah?!

I feel guilty.  Despite my traumatic and totally complicated birthing stories, I have managed to breastfeed both of my children with ease.

I know, I suck, or at least my children do.  Oh come on, that was funny!!  (insert laughing face emoji here, which is my favourite emoji of all).

The facts are that I did not get one cracked nipple.

I had no bleeding.

No dramas with tongue ties or latching.

No issues with supply at all aside from doubting myself at the beginning with Mushroom but then realised being nutcase new mother and got over it.

I am literally a cow.

To prove above statement, Miss Molly has put on 430gms since birth which means that my boobs are officially full of protein powder. Go super boobs!

But fuck me ladies, there are literally no clothes that are attractive, or comfortable for breastfeeding mothers.

I am not a small woman.  My boobs are quite large, the girls are more than a handful, and do you think that I can find anything decent to wear so I can breastfeed in style?  The answer to that question is no.

Firstly, I'm not fucking pregnant anymore.  I don't need a MATERNITY dress, I need a BREASTFEEDING dress.  Which basically just needs to be a wrap dress, or a stretchy v neck that I pull across and whip the ladies out with ease.

But there are LITERALLY NONE!

When I actually did find breastfeeding tops they are ugly and overpriced.  Like I'm going to pay $69 for a tshirt that has holes in the boobs?!  And those holes are too small for my giant chesticles anyway!

Frustrating is a word.

I tell you, if I could sew, the world for breastfeeding mothers who like wearing t-shirts that don't cost one bajillion dollars, would be a better place!

Look at this hideous thing that I picked up from Target.

Just LOOK!

It's the WORST!  I look like a saggy titted, navy striped whale!

AND it's already lost it's shape and stretched out and looks like a sack.

AND it also costs $30 when not on sale.

That is FUCKING bullshit man!

Breastfeeding in public is challenging enough without having to look ugly whilst doing it.

Please help me.  Mum and I went to every store we could on Thursday and there were NO breastfeeding shirts anywhere.  Kmart didn't even have singlets in a colour I would wear (I don't do marle grey) but any other colour is just fine.

I know I'm large Marge, but honestly, I care about how I present myself.  I'm not going outside looking like a hobo just so I can breastfeed my daughter.  I will sweat to death and wear a singlet underneath a normal shirt so I can do the whole lift and swoop if need be.

So help me.


If you see a nursing top ANYWHERE, online or instore, please let me know!  The God's would be forever in your favour.

And I'm not a total cheapskate, if it's a nice top, I would pay accordingly.  Please and Thank-You.