18 Mar 2018

Week Eleven

I don't know how I and the children survive the week. For some reason, I struggled to keep my temper and lost my shit a number of times.

At one point I called my son an idiot. I felt really bad about it until he pushed his sister over and shouted in my face that he wouldn't put. HIS. SHOES. ON!!!

Everything runs smoothly until it's time to put shoes on. Then everything falls apart.

I probably said for fuck's sake about 7964 times.

On Tuesday.

Mother of the Year over here.

I don't feel very good about it. Believe me. I wish I didn't shout and yell and scream.  I really wish calling my kids names didn't happen. The words just come out of my mouth  I'm trying. I really am. I'm just not patient, or loving, and my tolerance for constant whingeing and bullshit is really low.

Not an excuse. I know.

And yes. I apologised to him. He said it was ok. I hope he doesn't become a serial killer now.

So I have the big one talking back and pressing all my buttons and the little one throwing tantrums, crying and whingeing from dawn to dusk. Her favourite saying at present is NO WAY and 'What you doing Mum? What you doing? Mum. What you doing?' Repeat ad nauseam for 17 hours a day.

Interspersed with crying.

They were sent here to destroy me. I swear.

Hopefully I don't fuck them up too much!

11 Mar 2018

Week Ten

It's the 11th of March already!  That means in a mere month my baby girl turns 2.

Disorganised much? 

I've decided to bite the bullet and buy her a pram and a baby because it's all she really loves to play with.  I don't know why I have a problem with it, I just do. But I have to get over it because everything is bubba, even poor Batman, so let's just give the girl what she wants!

My do poo's Mummy
I had my heart set on a timber pram but they're so expensive so I'll see how my online shopping goes.  Anyone with the hot tips, hit me up! 

We've started being a bit more pro-active with the toilet training now that we've over our upset tummy from last week.

She is really keen on the potty but does need some encouragement of the sugared variety.

Lollies have been working a treat.

Yes.  I'm that parent.

School has really ramped up the ever increasing passage of time.

We're going into week 8 next week, have to pick times for Teacher Parent interviews, school photos and Mushroom is writing actual words on paper and reading things. 

Like really.  Today he's been drawing ghosts on everything and running around 'scaring' people.  He then wrote 'gost' on a piece of paper because he just sounded it out and he "just worked it out Mum". 

I was, and am, equal parts flabbergasted and chuffed.

He's clearly a genius.

Later on I told him all about the silent h and showed him how to spell ghost properly but he was so excited and proud and quickly rewrote it so it was right. 

Proud Mama right here. 

Mushroom also had his first school disco.  I'm not sure I was prepared for the level of screaming that I was privy too, nor the headless chicken running around that they all did, but it was hilarious and fun and I got to meet Mushroom's little friend's mum.  Who seems really lovely.  And normal. 

Bit disappointing really. 

Hahah.  Just kidding!  It's great that Max has made such a nice little mate.  It was my worst fear that he would be unhappy and have no-one to talk to. 

Unfortunately they're going away for school holidays so no play dates there, but hopefully Juffin will find things for them to do.  He's taking some holidays so I don't have to.

The disco was hilarious and I almost got out of there without having to buy one of those stupid light up noisy toys but alas 10 minutes before home time he found out that they were selling them at the tuckshop and I couldn't say no because I'm a sucker. 

Work has been quite trying this week.  It always is at this time of year.  Health insurance goes up and people get angry.  I get it.  I'm angry too.  I have it and wonder, just like you, what the point is, but what's the alternative?  I waited for 18 months to have a hernia repair.  Which was probably minor to start with but ended up being major surgery and I had to have 6 weeks off work.  I couldn't drive.  I couldn't pick up my kids.  I couldn't do the bloody washing.  My Mum had to come and help and it was actually a blessing that Juffin wasn't working at the time otherwise we would have been screwed. 

I mean I had a fucking drain in my guts for 4 weeks.  Talk about nightmare.  If we'd had the money, I would have had that damn operation privately whilst I was still on maternity leave.  And therein lies the problem, the Medicare Scheduled Fee is too low and the Dr's charge heaps more and unfortunately the person left paying that gap is the patient.  It sucks.  I wish I knew what the answer is, but I don't. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that just because we work in the industry, doesn't mean we don't understand what you're going through.  Our premium is going up too.  Not our wage.  Those wait times at the public hospital are not made up or fear mongering, they're long.  It's fact.  If you are calling to compare, then have some info ready so the people on the other end of the phone can assist you.  Like the name of your cover, the cost, the rebate level you're on, the things that you're interested in being covered for. All this info helps out that person immensely. You have no idea!

Juffin started back at uni this week. He's been buying text books and whingeing about our shitty internet for a week now.  Only 11 more to go! 


I started a 30 mins for 30 days workout challenge that I found on youtube and tonight made 7 days straight!  I did the hill this morning but the video for today was just a stretch/yoga session.  It was the perfect end to a hectic week and made me realise how inflexible I am!  With practice I'll get there.  I am 36 after all.  Bonus is that now I can actually see the difference in my body and am keener than ever to get fitter, stronger and healthier! Hooray for feeling good about myself and finally looking after my poor, neglected temple.

4 Mar 2018

Week Nine

Ahh gastro.  How I loathe thee!

Mum friends and I have talked about what we'd prefer in terms of shit or spew and I can tell you hands down, that I'd prefer shit any day.

I know.

What kind of fucking things do you and your mates talk about Jess?!  But seriously, when you're a mother of small children, this shit comes up.



This week nearly made me change my mind.  Thank goodness we only had the back end going and not the top as well.  That would have been a special kind of hell.

Poor Miss Molly lost the bet and ended up with a pretty upset stomach. I got a phone call on Monday from the daycare asking if they could administer paracetamol, of course, no problem.  Didn't hear again.  Upon pickup she was crying because she'd just done a poo and wanted it changed.  She's getting to that age.  Yes, we are attempting to toilet train, no, it is not going well.

When they popped her up on the table to change, dear GOD!  THE POO!  It was like a mudslide in there.  DisGUSTING. We were all gagging.  I was looking around fanning my face thinking, fuck me child, what did I put in your damn lunchbox?!  They put it down to the paracetamol but pretty sure paracetamol has never made anyone shit like that in the history of its existence.

What followed was a pretty shitty night.

Pun intended.

We went through nappy, after nappy, after nappy.

To coincide with this awesome event, it had actually decided to start raining here after years upon years of a pretty serious drought.

I know. 


Not particularly good timing when your child has gastro and you use cloth nappies.  Literally the definition of FML.

So we're elbows deep in shit nappies, it won't stop raining, Molly's fucking miserable, and I have no dryer... you know what happened don't you?  This cloth nappy Mama had to buy disposable nappies.

Tuesday night was even worse.  There was shit in the bed FFS.   We went through six nappies that night, and two sets of sheets.

I shit you not.

Are we over the puns yet? L O L S!

Juffin took one for the team and took carers leave.  He gets that now. 

He took Molly to the Doctor, washed the nappies, bought the disposables (like I could be seen buying nappies!) and changed and cleaned the river of crap that was my daughters bum hole.

Poor girl.

Poor Juffin.

I went to work.  Woo!

Thankfully Molly was the only one who was affected.

There is a God.

This post is long enough already, but to keep myself accountable, I'll be honest and let you know that I've well and truly fallen off the health and well-being wagon.  I got my period yesterday and I spent the week prior eating shit and feeling sorry for myself because I knew it was coming.  That and I celebrated my 10 year anniversary at work and realised that I have achieved very little in that time... real talk!

BUT my period and feelings of inadequacy should not be a reason to reach for the nearest deep fried food stuff!

Menstruation is not a reason to fill my emptying uterus with chocolate!

Begin shame cycle....

I know that beating myself up about it is pointless and counter productive and dwelling on it will not fix anything BUT THIS IS WHY I AM THE WAY I AM!

So I'm choosing to keep going, instead of giving up like I usually do.  I had a bad week.  I ate some crap.  I got a migraine and I couldn't do my hill walk today and I felt awful that I let my friend down but I also felt bad for missing it!  I can totally do this because it's about making my life healthier, and being a good example for my kids.

Bring it.

Hooray for rain!!